What If Following is Not Easy?

     So, I guess it has been a while.  Samuel is now 2 years old and is officially our son.  We still wait for Proof of Citizenship so we can change his name on things such as his SS number.  But he is with us and happy.

     Now we are desiring a brother of sister for Samuel.  We are not sure whether that means another adoption yet or not.  We both would love to adopt again, but haven't given up completely with having a biological child either.  We will wait and pray and see. . .

     Even more pressing right now is where God is leading us in the next chapter of life. 

     Joe finished seminary and has gotten his liscensure.  He has to have a "call" before going through the ordination process.  That means that he has to have a ministry job.  We are also praying about me being able to stay home full-time with Samuel.  I feel like we need to know something soon because before we know it, Fall will be here and I will have to start teaching.  With Joe's current job, I don't think we could pay the bills.  As a matter of fact, we have been blessed with people helping us in various ways, such as giving us food and clothes periodically.  We are truly grateful and God sends things right when we need it.  (He is not often early.)

     Right now, there may be a couple of opportunities, but we are not sure which of these doors or if either of them are the ones God has for us next.  We pray and discuss and pray.  Still we are not convinced of anything.  But it has brought up the thought of true surrender and following.  When Joe finished seminary, my mind came up with an unwritten list of what I wanted our next step to look like.  We would stay here, Joe would find a job at our church, and Samuel will be able to go to my school when he is old enough.  Oh, and I would get to stay home with him until then. That is still not impossible, but that is not full surrender.  Maybe God is calling us to move.  And even worse to an area where we don't want to go.  What if we have to short sale our home and ruin our credit?  What if I will have to find a job somewhere else and find someone new to trust Samuel with while I am gone?  What if. . . ?  Would I still be up for following God?  I know deep down that God knows what is best for us and His people. But right now, I don't want to move.  After 6 years of living here, I finally love it!  

     I keep praying for God to change my heart if it is not aligned with His.  I know that wherever He calls us, we will go.  We love and trust Him enough to give up our selfish desires and ambitions and go where He desires to grow and use us.  Through the adoption and many other times when we have just had to trust Him, He has shown us His love and faithfulness.

     Please pray for us to hear God's leading and walk with confidence wherever He calls.  Also pray for our hearts.  Whatever it will be, our lives will not be as they are now.  Ask God to prepare us and make us ready to let go of whatever securities or comforts we enjoy now and be thankful for what we will have then.  May God be glorified and others see Him through all of this as with the adoption.