Samuel's favorite spots

My cutie and me outside

Samuel LOVES being outside.  But when he first wakes up, he wants to be on mommy's lap.  In order to make the mornings go most smoothly, I have to get his breakfast, drink, and my coffee ready before he wakes up.  I also have to plan to not go anywhere until at least an hour after he wakes up. 

He has to have a list of things in his hands in order to be completely at rest.  So when he gets ready to get on my lap he is fumbling his drink, breakfast, and usually at least one toy (a train or truck) and gets frustrated. I constantly tell him to come to me and I will get everything he needs.  But I see the struggle of him wanting to do it himself and him wanting to sit with me and trust that I am going to do what I say. 

This made me think of how we are with God.  God gets things ready for us, often by letting us be in certain circumstances or even just by having the sun rise.  I feel like I have to get a list of things ready or think about all the things I have to do that day before I can sit with him.  But He says to come to Him and He will take care of the rest.  I do find that the days I sit with Him first thing in the morning, especially when I am not rushed, the rest of my day is more joyful.  That doesn't mean it goes smoothly, but I have a better attitude and mindset.    I am less frustrated and trust that God will keep His promises to me.  In other words, my "outside" time is so much more enjoyable.

Health Issues? Be encouraged.

This post is about health, but I wanted to lighten it up with some pictures of my growing boy.  









I am a little biased, but I think he is the cutest!  His smile melts my heart.  : )






 I posted these on FB but this one shows how silly he is.  It is hard to get a still photo of him smiling.

BTW- My husband is such a hunk!

 I don't know if you can tell, but he is sticking out his tongue here.  This was his first big lolly pop and he LOVED it!

                                                       






   Mommy's boy!!!

This hambok (traditional Korean clothes) was given by his foster mother.  So glad it still fits!  I posted pics of him in this from his first birthday.  My has he grown!







Okay, now to the heavier stuff. . . .

I wanted to post this because as I have talked to other people I find that so many feel like they are alone or don't know what to do about health issues that effect their daily lives.  As I mentioned earlier, I have been struggling with peri-menopause.  (Not all women have the same symptoms to the same degree, so don't fear if you haven't gotten there yet.  It may not be like this for you.)  For the last few years the symptoms started mildly and have gotten worse.  I went to OBGYNs and family practitioners in the midst of also trying to get pregnant and they just wanted to ignore the symptoms, put me on antidepressants, or give me birth control (which has worked for some).  No one wanted to get to the bottom of it.  I actually tried antidepressants for a few months, but it pretty much took away any filter from my mouth or actions.  NOT GOOD!  It gave me such a numb feeling that I didn't consider other people's feelings, which in turn, hurt people I love.  Btw- an imbalance in hormones can make you think about things in an unreasonable way or magnify issues that aren't that bad.  So you can see how my filter was needed.  If you are one of those people and I have not apologized, I do now. 

As things got worse and I realized that I felt like I was going crazy, I started talking to people and reading about what I should do.  Since we don't have a lot of money, I started with the things I read about.  I cut out processed foods, sugars, even started milling our own wheat.  I also joined a gym and tried different kinds of work outs.  All of those things did help, but not enough.  I realized that I had to just bite the bullet and spend money on a specialist.  I chose a hormonal specialist because after all of my research and tracking my cycle, it definitely seemed like there was something wrong with my progesterone levels and my thyroid checked out fine.  For many of my friends, other specialists have been helpful and actually cutting out sugars or processed foods greatly improved their energy levels and other symptoms.  So, I would definitely recommend to start there. 

Sidebar- When I talked to people about my symptoms, many had similar symptoms but not to the degree I did and pretty much made me feel like I should just suck it up and stop being lazy.  Since I knew that they didn't understand, I decided to ignore the hurt it could have caused and chalk it up to them trying to be helpful.  So, if you know someone struggling with their energy level, mind fog, depression, etc.  please don't make them feel like they are just being lazy or it is all in their mind.  I apologize to anyone I have made feel like that as well.

I read a blog or article one of my friends posted about Chrons and I could identify.  It basically explained a day for someone with limited energy levels compared to a normal person.  Although most days I probably had more energy than someone with Chrons, I had to pick and choose a handful of things I would do during a day because I couldn't do all the things I used to be able to do.  By 1 or 2pm, many times earlier depending on whether I did something big like go grocery shopping, I was pretty much done until time to cook and clean for the evening.  I felt like such a terrible mom, wife, friend, and family member.  I felt like I lived in a fog and couldn't think clearly so I didn't call, email, or make plans like I wanted to.  I don't tell you this to make you feel sorry for me.  I write this to encourage those who are going through the same thing and to help those who aren't to understand those who are.  Most people didn't know because I chose to be out when I had the most energy and could put on my happy face. (Having a toddler drains a lot of energy but is also a good default.  People pay more attention to him than me or he interrupts a LOT so I don't have to stay concentrated for a deep conversation.)

Currently, I can pretty much track my best and worse days.  Each month is slowly getting better, but I still have some issues to address during my next visit.  I definitely have more days when I am not foggy and feel normal.  Today is one.  : ) 

My encouragement to you:
- If you are struggling with a health issue, please do what you can to figure out what it is and treat it.  Even if it is just changing up your diet or lifestyle. 
- Remember that you don't have to always be ON or do everything everyone else seems to be doing.  God knows your heart. 
- If you know someone that is struggling with health issues (or any other issues be it chemical, emotional or physical), be patient with them and lower your expectations on what they "should" do.  Don't be offended if they don't call or make plans.  It isn't because they don't want to.  Just love them where they are.
-  Ignore any hurtful things the one struggling may say or do.  If it is hormones or a chemical imbalance, they aren't thinking clearly or reasonably.  
- Ignore the hurtful "encouraging" tips offered and remember it is given in love or concern.
- Don't pitty them or yourself.  Do what you can do when you can do it and APPRECIATE your life and those around you.
- Listen to your body and feel free to say NO.  That has been one of the hardest things for me because I am a task-oriented, people pleaser, with the spiritual gifts of mercy and service.  Which means I LOVE being involved and doing things to make someone's life brighter and easier.  (I guess I am learning how NOT to be a task-oriented people pleaser and it is freeing!)
- Remember that it is not only okay, but good to truly REST.

I want to close this by thanking my loved ones for your patience and understanding.  Especially my awesome husband and precious son who have to live with me.  I mentioned to Joe that a friend explained menopause by saying that her husband said she had 17 personalities and he didn't know which one to respond to moment by moment.  I thought it was funny until Joe said it is true.  My poor but awesome hubby.  I so appreciate him and am thankful that I am finally able to understand what is going on with me so I can respond more reasonably to him and others.  God is teaching me that I really don't have to "perform" for him or be a "Martha".  He loves me and takes care of me even when I don't do anything but pretty much lay on the couch for a day.  If my husband and son love me through my rough days, how much more does God love us?  WOW!

There are so many more things that I am learning during this time, but that is for another day.  . .       : )