Exciting Opportunity to Trust God

     Samuel had his first beach trip a couple of weeks ago.  He LOVED the waves and sand.  I do notice that he enjoys toys and fun things like the water, but he mostly wants to explore.  When we first went to the pool, he didn't want to leave.  He cried loudly.  Now when we go, he is only in for a few minutes and then wants to get out to walk/run around and check things out.  He especially loves to turn on and off the water hoses.  He is beginning to enjoy playing with other kids, especially older ones.  Like most kids, he loves to be chased but he also thinks it is funny to copy silly things the big kids do.  One of his favorites is Ring Around the Rosies because he is a master at falling down.  When we are at home, he takes the pillows and puts them on the floor so he can dive off the couch on to them.  I am constantly calling him my silly boy.

     While we were at the beach, we both believe God has given us a direction, at least for one part of our lives.  We have been praying for a while about possibly me not teaching anymore.  In the past, I would tell people that I didn't think I could be a stay-at-home mom.  Some of my friends that have stayed at home have struggled with depression or just seemed tired or unhappy.  When Samuel first came, I stayed home for a couple of months and could see how one could feel isolated.  So, working was an outlet for me.  I felt connected to the world and that I was making a difference outside the home.  Since then, God has been working on my heart.  Samuel had a hard time, especially the last few months, with me leaving him.  I know this could be the "fear of abandonment" phase, but it was hard on me.  I love teaching, but I was so tired by the time I got home, Samuel would nap if he hadn't already while I got some housework done, and then when he woke up I had to cook dinner, clean up, and then maybe have a couple of hours with him before bedtime.  But I had Friday-Sunday with him all day and somehow it worked. 

    Our thought was that when Joe got another job and made more money, then I would stay home.   We were receiving help with Samuel's care even with both of us working, so there was no way I could quit.  We have heard other stories of families going on faith for the mom to stay home, but most of their husbands made at least $40,000 a year.  Well, that is not the case with us.  SO, when God started putting on our hearts, mostly Joe's, for me to stay home next school year, I was unsure.  But during this trip, God showed us in several ways that this is our time to take a leap of faith, not based on circumstances, but based on our trust and obedience to Him.  Since then, He has confirmed our decision in many ways, especially with His peace.  This means that I am officially a stay-at-home mom and couldn't be happier about it!!!

    Now, I don't know what things will look like nor I am trying to figure it out just yet.  We are praying about how to be wise with our finances and will be seeking guidance and tips from others that have had to do the same.  I have always been conscience of spending money, but even more so now.  Of course, God is our main source of wisdom and leading.  Joe doesn't have another job yet and we have no idea where or when he will.  If you have any money saving tips, we are happy to hear them! 

     We can say that your prayers have been answered in that we both are truly open to go anywhere and do whatever He calls us.  With one of the past possibilities, we had to consider whether we would move back to my hometown and live with my parents for a while.  We were both willing, even though it would be hard and uncomfortable at times.  Don't get me wrong, my parents are great and we get along wonderfully, but anyone bringing in a family to live in the same house with their parents (not having our own kitchen or living room) has uncomfortable moments.  BUT, this opportunity doesn't seem to be the one God is leading us to.  I could be wrong, but at this moment, it doesn't look like it is.  The good thing is, our hearts are open to moving or staying and now we know it. 

     So, thank you for your prayers!!!  Please continue to pray for God's guidance with Joe's job and our new situation.  That God will be glorified and we will continue to have peace and joy even when things look impossible. 

     BTW- We do still want more children and are praying for God's guidance with that as well.  I am having some health issues, nothing major, but would love to figure out what is causing these symptoms and to have a treatment, not just a band aid. There are several symptoms that have worsened over the years, but for me worst part is that I get tired very easily and have foggy thinking.  I am taking B12 and am waiting for blood test reports to see why.  We have done a lot of research and think we know the cause, but the doctors over the last 10 years haven't seemed to want to research it more.  Instead they want to put me on birth control pills, which I will not do because we want children.  So, I may be having to look for a new Dr. and specialist.  If you have a great proactive Dr. feel free to share their information with me.  : )

Limbo

Limbo is not necessarily a bad place to be. . .

It is funny how different people can take such different outlooks on the same situation.  There are at least 2 people that have told me how excited they are for me as we seek direction for the next step in our journey.  At first, I was not excited.  When reminded of a different perspective, my attitude has started to change.

In my quiet time this morning, God reminded me that our journey is not always easy-going, but instead can be more like a roller coaster.  There are ups, downs, thrills, discouragement . . .  At this moment, I feel like I am in line waiting for the next roller coaster ride.  What am I going to do while waiting?  I could try and predict what it is going to be like, analyze the possibilities, just stand there and wait anticipating the ride, or enjoy the moment and the people around me.  So, I chose the latter.  There are so many friends and family that I can enjoy before this lifestyle change.  No matter where we are, our lives are going to be different in some way.  I can enjoy the schedule and time we have now to be together and pray together as we seek together.  I can enjoy having my husband more to myself before he pastors a group or congregation.  I can enjoy being home for the summer with Samuel and not waste time trying to figure out things that may never come about. I can rest assure that God will tell us when and where we need to go when it is His time.

As far as an update on when or where, there isn't much to say yet.  Some doors have shut, which is good since they are not options anymore.  I can tell that God is changing our hearts as to what we want to do, but we still don't have a clear direction.

So, I will enjoy being in limbo and have faith in my faithful father who loves us with a steadfast love.  He will never fail us as we seek Him and not just answers.

Thank you to those who are praying!  It really makes a difference and we are truly appreciative!  God is definitely working.  : )

What If Following is Not Easy?

     So, I guess it has been a while.  Samuel is now 2 years old and is officially our son.  We still wait for Proof of Citizenship so we can change his name on things such as his SS number.  But he is with us and happy.

     Now we are desiring a brother of sister for Samuel.  We are not sure whether that means another adoption yet or not.  We both would love to adopt again, but haven't given up completely with having a biological child either.  We will wait and pray and see. . .

     Even more pressing right now is where God is leading us in the next chapter of life. 

     Joe finished seminary and has gotten his liscensure.  He has to have a "call" before going through the ordination process.  That means that he has to have a ministry job.  We are also praying about me being able to stay home full-time with Samuel.  I feel like we need to know something soon because before we know it, Fall will be here and I will have to start teaching.  With Joe's current job, I don't think we could pay the bills.  As a matter of fact, we have been blessed with people helping us in various ways, such as giving us food and clothes periodically.  We are truly grateful and God sends things right when we need it.  (He is not often early.)

     Right now, there may be a couple of opportunities, but we are not sure which of these doors or if either of them are the ones God has for us next.  We pray and discuss and pray.  Still we are not convinced of anything.  But it has brought up the thought of true surrender and following.  When Joe finished seminary, my mind came up with an unwritten list of what I wanted our next step to look like.  We would stay here, Joe would find a job at our church, and Samuel will be able to go to my school when he is old enough.  Oh, and I would get to stay home with him until then. That is still not impossible, but that is not full surrender.  Maybe God is calling us to move.  And even worse to an area where we don't want to go.  What if we have to short sale our home and ruin our credit?  What if I will have to find a job somewhere else and find someone new to trust Samuel with while I am gone?  What if. . . ?  Would I still be up for following God?  I know deep down that God knows what is best for us and His people. But right now, I don't want to move.  After 6 years of living here, I finally love it!  

     I keep praying for God to change my heart if it is not aligned with His.  I know that wherever He calls us, we will go.  We love and trust Him enough to give up our selfish desires and ambitions and go where He desires to grow and use us.  Through the adoption and many other times when we have just had to trust Him, He has shown us His love and faithfulness.

     Please pray for us to hear God's leading and walk with confidence wherever He calls.  Also pray for our hearts.  Whatever it will be, our lives will not be as they are now.  Ask God to prepare us and make us ready to let go of whatever securities or comforts we enjoy now and be thankful for what we will have then.  May God be glorified and others see Him through all of this as with the adoption.