Since it has been so long since my last post, I thought I would start by giving an update. I love being home with Samuel and he seems to have benefited. I am not saying that moms who work should stay home, but it has been a blessing for both Samuel and I. When we used to pull in to a parking lot where he knew I would have to leave him for a short time, he would say, "NO!" Now, he drags my arm to get to "school" (nursery at church or the gym). He still doesn't like it when I leave him at home, but he will actually play by himself more so I can cook or clean. He actually loves to help, and I try to let him.
For me, my health became an issue. So, being home gave me less to juggle mentally and emotionally. (although, being home comes with a list of new stresses) For a couple of years or longer, my symptoms of fatigue, brain fog, and many others have slowly gotten worse. I was beginning to think that there was something wrong with me mentally because the doctors didn't take the symptoms seriously. They would try to prescribe birth control pills and antidepressants. I also had several embarrassing outbursts of frustration or crying. (There is a lady out there that shops at Walmart that thinks I am off my rocker after bursting out with a ARRRRHHH. In my defense, she didn't HAVE to go down my short isle while I was on the phone trying to figure out what to get while Samuel was being his curious self next to the cart and the WET floor sign. Maybe the next time she sees me, she will run in the opposite direction.) I progress. . . Even through our years of trying to get pregnant, I had some of these symptoms, yet it was brushed off. So, I tried eating healthy, exercising, cutting back on responsibilities, ... You know, all the things people tell you to do to feel better. Yet, it was getting worse. I was feeling like a horrible wife, mother, friend, ect. For the past 6 months or so, I have gone to seek specialists. After all of my visits and getting background information from my family (my mom and her sisters went through this around my age as well) I have found out that I am going through "the change" early. I am in peri/pre-menopause. I did the egg test and my numbers are very low. That means that if I don't get pregnant soon, it won't happen. (unless I have a Moses and Sarah experience) The good news is that I am on a non-synthetic progesterone, which increases fertility. After being on it for about 4 months, I am finally starting to feel like myself. I actually made it through Sunday School and service this week without almost falling asleep or loosing track mentally. That was a big deal. I didn't know that a hormonal imbalance can slow someone down so much. Oh, another good news is that from better eating, exercising, and balancing my hormones better, I have lost almost 10 pounds. (Some were gained back over the holidays, but getting them back off soon!)
Some people have asked about how we are doing financially. Thankfully, in this past year after the adoption fees were paid, we were able to put some money in savings. That money is helping to offset what Joe's paycheck can't cover. I must also mention that God has provided through friends, family, and other ways as well. We are truly on LOCK-DOWN and try to only spend on necessities. I appreciate so much more now, like driving to visit anyone anytime.
There are still no leads with a new job for Joe. We so appreciate where he works now because they have helped us in so many ways and work with him as much as possible. There have been many possible leads that have ended with closed doors but God is definitely work on us through all of this. There have been many lessons learned/relearned. I hope to share some on future posts.
Finally, we would love to adopt again, but the time is not now. For now, we are focusing on trying to live on a small budget and trying to get pregnant. I see pregnant women and want that. I am sure that I would mourn if I never do, but I am not ready to mourn yet. My arms are surrendered to whatever God knows is best for us.
Sorry that this was so long. Now that my mind is beginning to work again, maybe I will write shorter posts more often. Lord willing. . .
Thank you to those who continue to pray, encourage, and even offer advice to us. We are truly rich in blessings.
