Receiving Gifts

I had a good quiet time this morning. (Samuel actually slept until 7am!)

During my quiet time, I reflected on God's gift of life and then how He is the giver of good gifts. Of course that doesn't mean we will never struggle or be persecuted, but He gives us so much more than we deserve. It is easy to get into the rut of looking around and seeing how others have more and then focus on what we don't have, but when I look at what I do have, I am overwhelmingly grateful.

Throughout the last 10 or so years, God has done so much in my life. Stripping off one idol after another. Well, the last few years, God is working on ones that I knew were coming, but dreaded: "financial security" and "I can do it". Working part-time instead of full-time, adopting, and Joe going through seminary while working full-time in facilities, does not leave much room for "financial security". We have been given so much, especially in the past year. Money, toys, clothes, gift certificates, free babysitting, meals and the list goes on. This has not been easy for me. I would rather be on the other end, but as time goes by, I have less to give other than my gratitude, and of course prayer.

As I thought about it this morning, I started to cry. I don't deserve good gifts from others. I'm happy to take gifts from God, if it doesn't involve others being inconvenienced. It is so hard to receive without being able to pay back or do anything in return, other than saying "thank you". But when you have no choice, you have to humble yourself and take it. I am losing my "I can do it" attitude, because I can't. No matter how I calculate, save, or work things out, I have to rely on God and my community/family. I knew this would be a hard lesson, but relationships have become richer, my heart is becoming less closed off to let others in, and my heart is softening. Fear, bitterness, pride, and more is melting away. God continues to refine me and I pray that when this season has passed, I won't forget what God is teaching me.

On a side note, Samuel is doing great! He had a fun weekend with pool time, family time, and good health. Yesterday he started whining again. We are going through another round of a few days of pain. Please pray for him and that I would know how to help him. He is more calm today, but then I haven't had to take him out to run errands or occupied to do errands at home. It has been a nice morning of just hanging out and getting lots of short cuddle sessions. : )