Healing Slowly

                           Samuel is representing the One who battles for our hearts.

The good news is that I am definitely healing.  The bad news is that it is way slower than I expected.  The good news is that God is in control, I am not.

First, here are the answers to the questions I get:
Do I get bored?  YES

How am I feeling? I hurt, get tired easily, and can't sit up long, which sometimes effects drainage from my allergies causing headaches and nausea. Rainy or almost rainy days are the worst.

How am I doing? I think considering all of those things that I haven't yelled at or hurt anyone, I am doing ok.  ; )  No really, it is frustrating,  but it is causing me to pray and surrender more.

How is having Joe home? Actually, it is nice. At the beginning of the school year, I couldn't wait for nuggets of alone time, but now that he is driving Samuel to school and back,  I get alone time, but it is also nice to have him home.  He is so patient and helpful.   We are able to talk about deep thoughts and feelings. He is learning what my life as a mom and wife are like and I am learning that I can trust him to do the things I usually do. We are enjoying our time with Samuel and he is getting good quality time with Joe.  Quality time and words of affirmation are ways that Samuel feels loved.

How is Samuel doing?  He seems to be doing ok. His feelings about going to school are the same. He enjoys being home. He is bonding more with Joe. I get snuggles in the morning and after school.  He is also serving me in ways that I used to do for him.  He is so thoughtful and happy-go-lucky.

Being home and forced to rest, I have LOTS of time to think.  I am on FB a lot and read happy and heart breaking posts.  I see fun activities and some friends going to the hospital.  There is such a wide spectrum of how people are spending the holidays.  It all makes me put things into perspective.

This year, I have less worldly things and mobility, things that I struggled with contentment in the past.  I used to compare and want what others had.  But this year, I don't.  (Not that what they have aren't great.)  I am just content in my life and in the One who is the giver of good gifts. This year,  I have more gratitude,  more compassion, more love, more peace, more joy, more patience . . .  I find myself praying, reading God's Word,  talking to my husband and son about God, and seeking God's truth/ways more.  Who He is and what He wants not just how I should strive to be or perform.   It is freeing and healing.

I am not comparing my hysterectomy to a broken heart or spirit.  I have experienced the loss of a loved one, rejection through divorce and other ways, and waiting tirelessly for something that I longed for.  The emotions are different. Aside from the differences, the healing process can be a little similar.  As I think about and pray for those who are also healing in various ways, I offer some encouragement.  Please don't expect a deadline for the pain to stop.  Know that healing is slow and some wounds never go away. It is okay to hurt. It is okay to take a break.  It is okay to get frustrated.  It is okay to even get angry. Some days will be harder than others. It is okay to share your heart with others.  Just don't forget to let our heavenly physician and counselor to help you through it.  You will experience healing and freedom in other ways as you do.  Don't give up.  Have hope in the One who is in control.