Limbo

Limbo is not necessarily a bad place to be. . .

It is funny how different people can take such different outlooks on the same situation.  There are at least 2 people that have told me how excited they are for me as we seek direction for the next step in our journey.  At first, I was not excited.  When reminded of a different perspective, my attitude has started to change.

In my quiet time this morning, God reminded me that our journey is not always easy-going, but instead can be more like a roller coaster.  There are ups, downs, thrills, discouragement . . .  At this moment, I feel like I am in line waiting for the next roller coaster ride.  What am I going to do while waiting?  I could try and predict what it is going to be like, analyze the possibilities, just stand there and wait anticipating the ride, or enjoy the moment and the people around me.  So, I chose the latter.  There are so many friends and family that I can enjoy before this lifestyle change.  No matter where we are, our lives are going to be different in some way.  I can enjoy the schedule and time we have now to be together and pray together as we seek together.  I can enjoy having my husband more to myself before he pastors a group or congregation.  I can enjoy being home for the summer with Samuel and not waste time trying to figure out things that may never come about. I can rest assure that God will tell us when and where we need to go when it is His time.

As far as an update on when or where, there isn't much to say yet.  Some doors have shut, which is good since they are not options anymore.  I can tell that God is changing our hearts as to what we want to do, but we still don't have a clear direction.

So, I will enjoy being in limbo and have faith in my faithful father who loves us with a steadfast love.  He will never fail us as we seek Him and not just answers.

Thank you to those who are praying!  It really makes a difference and we are truly appreciative!  God is definitely working.  : )

What If Following is Not Easy?

     So, I guess it has been a while.  Samuel is now 2 years old and is officially our son.  We still wait for Proof of Citizenship so we can change his name on things such as his SS number.  But he is with us and happy.

     Now we are desiring a brother of sister for Samuel.  We are not sure whether that means another adoption yet or not.  We both would love to adopt again, but haven't given up completely with having a biological child either.  We will wait and pray and see. . .

     Even more pressing right now is where God is leading us in the next chapter of life. 

     Joe finished seminary and has gotten his liscensure.  He has to have a "call" before going through the ordination process.  That means that he has to have a ministry job.  We are also praying about me being able to stay home full-time with Samuel.  I feel like we need to know something soon because before we know it, Fall will be here and I will have to start teaching.  With Joe's current job, I don't think we could pay the bills.  As a matter of fact, we have been blessed with people helping us in various ways, such as giving us food and clothes periodically.  We are truly grateful and God sends things right when we need it.  (He is not often early.)

     Right now, there may be a couple of opportunities, but we are not sure which of these doors or if either of them are the ones God has for us next.  We pray and discuss and pray.  Still we are not convinced of anything.  But it has brought up the thought of true surrender and following.  When Joe finished seminary, my mind came up with an unwritten list of what I wanted our next step to look like.  We would stay here, Joe would find a job at our church, and Samuel will be able to go to my school when he is old enough.  Oh, and I would get to stay home with him until then. That is still not impossible, but that is not full surrender.  Maybe God is calling us to move.  And even worse to an area where we don't want to go.  What if we have to short sale our home and ruin our credit?  What if I will have to find a job somewhere else and find someone new to trust Samuel with while I am gone?  What if. . . ?  Would I still be up for following God?  I know deep down that God knows what is best for us and His people. But right now, I don't want to move.  After 6 years of living here, I finally love it!  

     I keep praying for God to change my heart if it is not aligned with His.  I know that wherever He calls us, we will go.  We love and trust Him enough to give up our selfish desires and ambitions and go where He desires to grow and use us.  Through the adoption and many other times when we have just had to trust Him, He has shown us His love and faithfulness.

     Please pray for us to hear God's leading and walk with confidence wherever He calls.  Also pray for our hearts.  Whatever it will be, our lives will not be as they are now.  Ask God to prepare us and make us ready to let go of whatever securities or comforts we enjoy now and be thankful for what we will have then.  May God be glorified and others see Him through all of this as with the adoption. 

Receiving Gifts

I had a good quiet time this morning. (Samuel actually slept until 7am!)

During my quiet time, I reflected on God's gift of life and then how He is the giver of good gifts. Of course that doesn't mean we will never struggle or be persecuted, but He gives us so much more than we deserve. It is easy to get into the rut of looking around and seeing how others have more and then focus on what we don't have, but when I look at what I do have, I am overwhelmingly grateful.

Throughout the last 10 or so years, God has done so much in my life. Stripping off one idol after another. Well, the last few years, God is working on ones that I knew were coming, but dreaded: "financial security" and "I can do it". Working part-time instead of full-time, adopting, and Joe going through seminary while working full-time in facilities, does not leave much room for "financial security". We have been given so much, especially in the past year. Money, toys, clothes, gift certificates, free babysitting, meals and the list goes on. This has not been easy for me. I would rather be on the other end, but as time goes by, I have less to give other than my gratitude, and of course prayer.

As I thought about it this morning, I started to cry. I don't deserve good gifts from others. I'm happy to take gifts from God, if it doesn't involve others being inconvenienced. It is so hard to receive without being able to pay back or do anything in return, other than saying "thank you". But when you have no choice, you have to humble yourself and take it. I am losing my "I can do it" attitude, because I can't. No matter how I calculate, save, or work things out, I have to rely on God and my community/family. I knew this would be a hard lesson, but relationships have become richer, my heart is becoming less closed off to let others in, and my heart is softening. Fear, bitterness, pride, and more is melting away. God continues to refine me and I pray that when this season has passed, I won't forget what God is teaching me.

On a side note, Samuel is doing great! He had a fun weekend with pool time, family time, and good health. Yesterday he started whining again. We are going through another round of a few days of pain. Please pray for him and that I would know how to help him. He is more calm today, but then I haven't had to take him out to run errands or occupied to do errands at home. It has been a nice morning of just hanging out and getting lots of short cuddle sessions. : )

Final court date!!!

It has been a glorious and transitional 8 months so far!

The first few months were a bit difficult because I had to get used to the new schedule and life. Samuel is such a great baby, that it really helped. The hardest thing that I had to deal with was his lack of desire for rest. He still cries even when he thinks we are going to put him in the crib. Actually at this moment, he is in the crib, fighting rest. Sometimes he even bangs his head on the crib to stay awake. Poor thing. . .

The fun things about Samuel is that he is usually a very happy, active boy. (I say usually because when his molars are coming in, he is hurting.) He loves to climb, run, explore, and laugh. He laughs most often when playing peek a boo or pretty much any social interaction. He is a people-person. He will walk up to strangers to smile at them and loves to see other kids. We have been doing a LOT of play dates lately and hasn't met anyone he doesn't like yet. He rarely sits still very long. Watching Thomas the Train keeps him still the longest of anything else, so that is my default when I am trying to cook. Sometimes, it doesn't work. He likes to be where I am, watching me do things, especially in the kitchen.

He has had a few time-outs and responds pretty well to them. He usually knows when he is getting into something he is not supposed to. I can tell because he has that sneaky look on his face or runs away when we catch him. LOL! After the first couple of time-outs, he started following directions more quickly. He is one smart cookie and seems to know it. He will sometimes try to smile or put his lip out when he gets in trouble because in the past we would laugh. We are learning to hold it in or turn our heads. : )

Teething has been hard for us. It seems that a new tooth comes in every couple of weeks and he is in pain every few days. These molars are hard on him. His drool is pretty constant and so we have learned to just live with wet shirts and kisses, which we LOVE! He now has 2 sets of molars and one set of canines. I think his 3rd set of molars are coming in now. Or maybe it is his 2nd set of canines. All I know is he is pain. Poor baby. I wish I could take it away, but there doesn't seem to be any magic fixes. Medication is only temporary and doesn't always work.

Well, he has had tons of firsts! I wish I could post pics of some of them, but until the adoption is final, I am not supposed to. So, if you want to see any, check out my Facebook page. That is a "secured" site and I can post pics of him on there.

I can not tell you how appreciative we are to have him here while we wait for it all to be final. We also appreciate all the support we have had and still receive. There are too many to count and in various ways. Samuel has such a large family in Christ. He also has our family that we were born into, who adore him. Sometimes I still cry, thinking back to the days when I didn't know how or when or if we would ever have a child. And here he is. Our precious boy!!

So, the final court date is Monday, August 22nd. He will legally be ours! He is already ours in our heart and mind. I can't imagine life without him, nor do I want to. We are so blessed!!!

HOME WITH SAMUEL

I'm sorry it has been so long since I last posted. November has been a whirlwind of a month. It started with my dad getting in a bicycle accident and ending up in Grady Hospital for about 2 weeks. He has head, ribs, and other body injury. He is at home recovering, while my mom is running their dry cleaners. My sister-in-law and brother and taking care of all the medical paperwork and staying home with him when they can. We are having trouble with getting the VA to take over his treatments and cover the costs. Pray for all that to get worked out and for endurance for my family.

Then, we decided to bite the bullet and take another step of faith. We bought a small SUV for transporting Samuel. The minute we got home, we heard a message on our answering machine saying that our baby was ready for travel. What timing!

So, we got the first flight we could out there and back. We were in Korea for 3 1/2 days because we wanted to get Samuel home. We can't take him with us until the day before or the day of travel. Thankfully, we had a morning flight. We got to take him to my aunt's house the day before travel.

South Korea was awesome. Their rest stops are like strip malls, the service in malls and restaurants are top notch, there is always someone waiting to help you with a smile. We got to walk around the town where my mom and dad met and lived when I was a baby. We almost got lost, but ran into my aunt's mother-in-law and she pointed us back home. It was perfect timing.

Needless to say, the food was delicious. It was actually so hot/spicy, that it brought tears to Joe's eyes.

It was great to spend time with my aunt and her family too. I remember as little girl, thinking she was so beautiful and wanting to be like her. She got to be the first family member to meet Samuel.

Coming back home was crazy. Because we booked our flight last minute, we couldn't sit near each other and no one offered to switch places. Joe was so far away that he couldn't even hear or see us. Praise God, we made it without any serious damage. LOL

We were greeted by a welcoming committee. Here is a video our friend Jen made of it:

http://gallery.me.com/jenniferstyle/100082

Now, we are home trying to get into a routine. It took several days for Samuel to realize that night was not day anymore. Korea has a 14 hour difference. He is mostly sleeping through the night now and we are working on his napping. He is napping right now. Shhhh. . .

We LOVE our baby Samuel!!! He is so funny, curious, energetic, and adorable. He loves people, but knows who his mommy and daddy are. He looks at us periodically to make sure we are near by. When he is tired and cranky, he wants mommy or daddy. I LOVE IT!!!!

I am learning to get up EARLY and have my quiet time before he gets up. It makes for a happier day for both of us. Joe is an awesome daddy! He had to go back to work this week, but has requested evening duty. So, he feeds, bathes, and gets Samuel down for the night. It is precious.

Since we have had Samuel, he has already learned how to crawl, eat bite-sized snacks by opening his hands enough to shove it in his mouth (he LOVES to eat), and stand up in his crib. He is getting stronger every day. Just this morning, he was observing his hand movements as they opened and closed. It is such a joy to be able to watch those moments. I need to keep the video camera next to me to capture them.

If you want to see pictures or get faster updates, befriend me on FB if you have not already.

Approval Coming Soon?

I was driving down to McDonough on Friday and had a conviction to call about the
paperwork again. Joe and I discussed earlier that morning not to call, but the
conviction was strong. So, I called Joe and told him. I asked Joe to call since
he was home and I was driving. After some convincing that we don't need to wait
until later in the day he called. He was home because he was getting ready to
leave for a men's retreat at noon and it was around 11am. So, he called and
found out that we were assigned an officer. She said that she had just gotten
the paperwork and went through it on the phone with Joe. She noticed a form was
missing. Praise God that Joe was home to find it and fax it. God was using
that time to make me see that I don't have to have control because Joe couldn't
find it at first and had to leave soon. I couldn't find it because I wasn't at
home. I just had to pray that God would show Joe where it was. Finally, Joe
did find it and faxed it out to the officer. I called her and she got it. She
said that it should be approved this week some time!!!!

Korean Festival

We had such a great time at the Korean Festival. I haven't been to one since I was a young girl. My mom showed us how to play all of these games. It was fun watching her do them too.









This is a version of hackey sack. It is harder because under all that stringy stuff is a plastic weight. So, it is hard to see where the center of the weight is going to hit.












This is a Korean board-game. There are 4 people on 2 teams. The big silver things are like dice, only all four people on a team flip them at once. The way they land, tells you how many places to move your piece on the board.


This is sort of a mix between see-saw and trampoline. You take turns jumping and propelling your partner higher into the air. It is a great work-out too.








This is how they used to make rice cake.




My mom is getting ready to arm-wrestle. Yeah!








This is sort of like a bean bag toss. Only you have these arrow-looking things and you try to get them inside the jar or one of the hoops. Abby rocked at this one!














We told the boys to "Go fly a kite". . . and they did. (Sorry, my corniness just came out.)

They actually flew them for a long time.
One was even made like the traditional Korean kites.



This is a game sort of like jacks. My mom can throw all 5 pieces in the air, catch them on the back of her hand, flick them in the air and then catch them inside her hand. She does is so fast too.
We were all amazed.




There was so much more to do, but it was sooo hot. There were jumpy things for the kids, demonstrations and mini-parades with traditional dancers, drummers, and dressed royalty. You could even dress up in traditional Korean wedding clothes for pictures. Unlike American festivals, most of the activities are free and your prize was food. Now, that is my kind of prize!

I don't know why I don't have pictures of those things. I must have gotten tired of pulling out the camera.
All in all, it was a great day. I look forward to bringing our baby to these in years to come!