I am not sure if it is because of the perimenopause, having a small child, being a stay-at-home mom, or a combination of all 3, but most conversations feel awkward to me. In the last few years, most of the time I walk away from a conversation and think, "Did I really say that?", "Why didn't I say anything?", "Why can't I think straight?", or "What were we talking about?" Now, there are the rare times when I get more than a minute to talk to someone without interruptions because Samuel is busy playing with older kids or not with me that I can get more comfortable and carry on a real conversation. Even then, sometimes, I don't know what to say or how to stay on track with one thought.
I realize that the majority of my conversations are with Samuel to where I have to repeat what he says to model correct speech and acknowledge that I understand him or ones that only need simple thought like, "The garbage truck man throws the garbage in a truck, not on the ground." (Samuel likes to reenact things.)
Other than that, I get to talk to my wonderful husband, friends with kids, or family. Even then, our conversations are interrupted often and are all over the place. I think Joe and most of those with small children are used to it also, so I don't feel as weird when I ask or tell something off-topic or forget what the topic is. Also, the silence times are not as awkward with them as I am sure we are appreciating it together. LOL
All that to say, I apologize to anyone who has walked away asking, "What is she on?" or "What was she thinking?", or to anyone I have offended by not talking at all. Sometimes it is easier to not attempt a conversation beyond a greeting. Oh, talking on the phone is worse than in person because I can't see the person talking to me and get more easily distracted. So, don't bother trying to have a phone conversation with me. E-mail me or let's get together.
Also, I want to know who else has this same struggle and how do you deal with it? BTW- I do exercise regularly, watch what I eat, have cut back on sugar, salt, and processed foods, and already do stuff for the perimenopause. I guess I want more to hear that I am not alone.
Oh, and don't feel bad for me. I am totally fine with where I am in life. I LOVE being a stay-at-home mom to a busy boy and don't mind not having deep conversations often. I have them with Joe and tell God all that I am thinking and struggling with. So, I am truly good. : )
